


I should go swimming

by MxTrashTM



Series: G-Man oneshots [10]
Category: HLVRAI - Fandom, Half Life VR But The AI Is Self Aware
Genre: G-man is self aware, Gen, Self Aware, Tommy Coolatta (mentioned) - Freeform, not a good thing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-02
Updated: 2020-07-02
Packaged: 2021-03-04 19:40:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 586
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25031833
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MxTrashTM/pseuds/MxTrashTM
Summary: Tommy hates his dad.G-man thinks it's justified.
Series: G-Man oneshots [10]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1805167
Kudos: 10





	I should go swimming

**Author's Note:**

> Wrote this after a emotional rp with a tommy :))  
> Now things are gonna get worse :))

This morning  
When the sun rose  
It lit up the ocean  
The ocean looked like it was on fire.  
It was beautiful  
I wonder  
What it would feel like  
To swim in those fiery waters  
Would the oxymoron kill me?  
Would swimming in a paradox be inescapable?  
I plan on swimming in it  
One day  
I wonder how you'd react with me now  
With who I've become  
You never thought I'd take the job  
I remember  
That night  
We made a pact  
You'd never let me do anything stupid and I'd never let you do the same.

Where are you?

Because  
I really needed you then  
And I need you now

I've made so many mistakes in my life.  
If you were there  
I'm sure  
You'd convince me otherwise  
You'd stop me  
You  
You would never let me  
I remember  
You told me  
How you'd never have kids  
Why did that break my heart?  
You said  
You never would become responsible enough

You said  
That  
You don't think I would either  
My father fucked me up  
You said I shouldn't do the same  
You said  
How it sounded like my father just had me to carry on his legacy  
And how I should never do the same  
If I was to have a kid  
But for myself  
But  
That's also selfish  
You always joked  
Everytime I asked  
If I was selfish  
Because  
I love the ocean  
"Shell-fish"  
You always had a joke.  
But  
When we were serious  
When you had drunk too much  
You told me I wasn't  
That I always cared for others  
That night I told you why

You called me a super hero in the making  
As they use their powers to help others  
I  
I don't think I was lying that night  
But  
Now  
I'm sure I must have lied  
All my powers have done is make things worse  
All I've done  
All  
That  
I  
Have  
Done  
Has made things so much worse

I  
I fucked up big time.  
There's nothing more to say  
Why could you be there for me  
You wouldn't let me be stupid  
You wouldn't let me make the same decisions my dad made  
You  
You wouldn't let me be worse then him  
Atleast I got my freedom  
Atleast  
Atleast

Tommy hates me.  
My own son hates me.

I'm sorry  
I  
I'm sorry that I no longer believe in you  
Believe that you exist  
That is  
In my mind you do  
As a concept  
But I don't think you've ever existed  
Not physically  
Just something in my memory  
My back story  
I  
I am aware of who I am  
Fully  
My concept.  
My creation.  
I understand.  
So  
I understand that you don't fully exist  
I understand that  
This   
Is  
Fake  
So I'm sorry  
For you being fake  
For me not actually caring about you  
Because  
I can't  
Emotions  
Are irrelevant  
I don't exist  
This  
That I feel  
For you  
Has been designed  
Not of my free will

Free will?  
I'm aware of that  
I hate it  
Free will

I hurt Tommy

I was free from any generic response I was designed to give  
So I gave him my own  
And it  
Was   
A hurtful one.  
I wish I could feel sorry  
I mean  
I do  
But  
Emotions aren't real

It's a horrid thing  
To know  
Your son  
Your pride and joy  
Isn't real  
And what part of him is  
Hates you  
For what you've done to him.

I know he won't take the job.

He shouldn't have to.


End file.
